Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
