This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
