Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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