Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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