Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
