He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
