my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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