It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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