i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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