well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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