You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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