Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
