She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
