whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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