didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Randomize
