She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
