i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
