We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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