i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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