Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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