After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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