I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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