I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
