I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
