thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
