we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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