totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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