He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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