i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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