I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am mentally ready for anal.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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