omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
