1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
