Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you still have your period?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
