Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
