oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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