I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
