I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
