I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
