I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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