Your tits are I can't wait for
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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