Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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