My liver just broke up with me...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
