It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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