literally had 100 drinks last night.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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