Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
