There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
