Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
