Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
