You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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