if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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