i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
