you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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