on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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