so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
