He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
