dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
