I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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