You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
