I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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