craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
