He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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