Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
