I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
