your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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