i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
