does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
