guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
