I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
