people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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