Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you made out with another girl for some wings
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
