and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
