Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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