i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We are two peas in an std pod
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
