And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
