dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize