The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
