the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
