yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
time to smoke my breakfast
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
