he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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