At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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