look no pants
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
