lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
